weird very weird
I just want to post because I want to avoid my ap us essay lol.

I recently just looked around my DA, especially my profile comments. It's really weird how much things have changed. My speech has changed, my tastes, my friends. Everything.
Not complaining or anything, but I used to get a lot of comments from people on DA. Like, my watchers would actually keep in touch with my "art"(it was so bad back then i don't even consider it art lool) and they would always comment my journals. I dunno, it was very lively.
Now it's more like a storage, but again, not complaining, it's just... weird!

I dont regret how I've changed, back then I used to be a hyper weeboo who used to annoy the shit outta a bunch of people, online and irl. One of my biggest decisions that I think of that allowed me to change was to distance away from the online community. Especially my online friends. I didn't get away from all of them (i have like.. a small amount that keep in touch with me), but I felt that they were the problem in not allowing me to become someone more sane. Lol, I remember this one online friend who I had to block from everyythingg in order to just get him to stop talking to me. I didn't understand why it was so hard to. For me, I didn't even have a strong attachment to this person, and I don't think that person felt the same. But he just got so angry at me though when I did that. I can see why, because I never gave an explination, I just blocked him/ignored him when he tried to talk to me. I didn't like this kid, he was very awkward and immature. Even back then when I myself was immature I felt more mature than him. Actually, I was older than this kid, so it makes sense. HE WAS JUST SO ANNOYING. But he wouldn't give up. He just kept messaging me and getting his friends to message me. They were all very creepy btw. My internet life was very unconfortable. I stopped talking to many people, even some who I considered to be "close."

Continuing on, I had to change my tastes as well. I strayed away from certain anime that I knew that I never liked, but only liked cause they were ANIMU DESU NEE. I broadened my tastes to other things besides the weeboo view of Japan, like OTHER COUNTRIES IN ASIA LOL. Europe was also a big influence on me as well, as I began to apperiate it more and admire their culture. I'm still very into Japan as well I guess, but I dont have that hype that I had for it back then. The only thing I haven't gotten into was my own culture, but it's not like I haven't tired. I still try to get into Middle Eastern culture, but it's just uneffective on me sadly :/. I think one day I'll be able to satisfy my mom lool.

I try to tell myself  I didn't change because of people, but I know that's not true. They played a big part. But, I can stay that changing made me feel happier of myself. Back then I felt so lowly, now I feel a lot more confident. Even if I changed just to satisfy people, I satisfied myself.

Hmm I didn't plan to go into this deep. Hurhur. I think I needed to say all of that somewhere lol. (There's a lot more that needs to be said but I don't know what to add lol)
Anyway, like I said, its weird! I hate the way I used to talk, used to act, used to look. I get second hand embarrassment, and that isn't fun. This is why I hate it when my friends bring up what I used to do back in middle school. I just hate that feeling.

Bah, I kno what's really bugging me. I want more comments hahahaa. I don't think comments make up ur status or popularity and crap liek that, I don't really care. I just don't wanna be lonely XD Blogging to myself is fun but it's also fun to know that there's someone with u as well lol.
It just makes me wonder if those online friends that I got rid of would be commenting here right now if I kept them.
But then again do I really want them in my life? No, lol. I'd like company though haha.

http://twitter.com/kisayaa
might change username later

=_=
just wanted to update journal lol. not dead!
i'll post a worthy entry soon